d.

When (is all there is).

There is something about being stopped by the slight whisper of
beauty hardly in view.

Physical tension and shortness of breath,

a strained fixation that’s intensity transforms your interior
to glass.

And with but a shifting,

a slight moving of the head,

a full seen whisper weakens to ordinary.

A.

i taught him how to knit. i've never been so proud.

D.

a,

i forgot all about your request until I stood up and saw two runaway tears lying on calgary airport's arm chair. i looked at them and thought about what i was thinking when i cried them. i know you would have cried too if you were the one thinking those things. so as i swung my backpack over my shoulder and walked to the boarding line, i spoke to calgary and told him that those were Anna Funk's tears. and i truly believe they were.

i love you and your retainer voice and your bed hair. 

d. 

a.

it occurs to me that this day is over and will never be lived again, that we are only the sum of days, and when those are spent, we will not come back to this place, to this time, to these people and these colors, and i wonder whether to be sad about this or to be happy, to trust that these hours are meant for some kind of enjoyment, as a kind of blessing.

donald miller, through painted deserts

D.

 I can't see myself ever finishing this book. There is far too much to learn. For now I'll just continue rereading the first three chapters until their truth has been imbedded in my skin: permanent.

"To ask that God's love should be content with us as we are is to ask that God should cease to be God: because He is what He is, His love must, in the nature of things, be impeded and repelled by certain stains in our present character, and because He already loves us He must labour to make us loveable... What we would here and now call our 'happiness' is not the end God chiefly has in view: but when we are such as He can love without impediment, we shall in fact be happy." 

C.S. Lewis, Problem of Pain
 

A.

for the first time, i feel like what i've been given is a gift.

A.

 love is believing in something bigger than yourself. 

a.

i used to believe that with age came knowledge. now, i just believe it's coming to terms with all your inabilities. 

D.

some days just feel like holes, or like the roots of trees. some days the sky just feels so far away.

A.

d.


i love you. anytime i start to hate where i am i think of you. and for some reason that makes me love this place. you're my home away from home. you understand the deep, lonesome roads that make up much of my soul. your strength gives me strength. thanks for fighting this fight a long side me.


i am really thankful for you.


a.

d.

I am here,

with wet socks and gum too sweet for my teeth.

A very tall man is sleeping in the arm chair I wanted to work in.

            I assume these inconsistent whistles are his making.

                             A sleepy sort of breathing.

The clock ticks softly

          and comfort cirlces the room.

I make a gum bubble.

I hear it pop and think about its sound and its departure.
       where does sound go?
       I would like to follow.    


                  I imagine a field above the clouds,
                  where grass grows out of sky instead of dirt.
                  it moves together like water in a basin
                  like suds in a sink...
                            ...birds for a kite; what a grand way to fly.


It's a library sort of stillness
implanting these untimely fancies.
    I had hoped it would provide
    an essay.

 

a.

there is a house built out of stone

wooden floors, walls and window sills

tables and chairs worn by all the dust

this is a place where i don't feel alone

this is a place where i feel at home

- the cinematic orchestra

D.

Lorna Crozier
(1948)

Excellence In The Small.
Tears Frozen On Your Face. 

Winter: eat the little, talk a lot -- 
that's magpie's definition.

Tears freeze on the cheeks and
never fall. This is cold, not sadness.

Somewhere warmer, Vallejo said
we must learn

a different way of weeping. For now,
the old way will have to do. 

a.

i decided that it was worth the wait.

a.

i want him to stay - framed.away from the growing up that awaits him.

d.

as for happiness - it spills itself. your freckles adorn my skin.

A.

what a tragedy it is that i can go days without noticing your beauty.

d.

i just love mr. ryland. 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lesleykerr/3737200599/in/set-72157623298957662/

d.

i whispered secrets to you last night, hoping that i was right in thinking you were close enough to hear. you bowed your head from heaven and whispered back to me, "deanna, i'll always be there holding your hand."

a.

funny which words stick around 20 years down when you're driving alone.

D.

tonight i wish for her, breathing quiet on my chest, reminding me to breathe slow.

A.

sometimes it's about finding the joy in lasting only a season.